Depression And Me

What is depression and anxiety and why do so many people not understand that these are real mental illnesses?  Depression is a real mental illness along with Bipolar disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I will admit that I am a person who is currently suffering from depression. My Depression is so bad to the point that I do not want to get up and go to work, or comb my hair and do anything. Because I do not have the desire to do anything.

Once I started my new job I thought to myself that I was making a brand new start in my life and was going to build some new friendships and just climb the career ladder to my ideal job. WRONG! My depression has gotten worse since I have been at my job. The entire 11 months have been a complete nightmare, and do you know the worst part of it all? Nobody cares. The manager and the supervisors have no empathy because they are all focused on the business needs of the company and they also play favoritism with the employees who are considered and I quote “Brown Nosers”

But back to the current topic at hand. My depression is so severe to the point that I do not like myself and not only has my mental health spun out of control my physical health is also declining. I take antidepressant medication that I feel is not working. I love to be isolated from everyone, and to sum everything up I’m just not happy. It’s pretty bad when you’re suffering from depression and have no one to talk to who actually understands where you are coming from. I told my parents that I was depressed and they basically were like “Oh okay” but I’m not surprised. Some people when they get depressed have suicidal thoughts but that has never crossed my mind. My depression is where I want to stay in my room all day long and eat away at my feelings.

I do not want to end up like the people I see on that show “MY 600 POUND LIFE” I can never let myself  get that big.

The point I’m making is that Depression is real serious mental illness and if  you’re feeling depressed speak with your healthcare provider who can offer you help before it gets out of control.

 

Thanks

-Aneesah

Consistency is Key

I’ve learned that it takes 21 days to create a habit, and in doing so with that consistency is key. Consistency is also one of the main keys to maintaining a healthy happy relationship. One thing I always said is that if you’re not going to put forth the effort then what is the use? I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have time for games and if you’re not going to put your heart on the line for me and or try to live a little then please just walk away. I will truly understand and trust me, my feelings will not be hurt.

Usually I write my feelings down in a journal but for some reason today I feel like I need to revive my blog. I’ve had this blog for so many years and I feel like it’s time to just start writing more because some place out here in the world some people are going through the same thing that I am going through and I would rather just voice what I’m feeling. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop journaling it just means that I’m going to blog more about anything and everything.

So for the rest of the month of November, I plan to consistently blog daily. Not a Vlog a regular blog. So if anyone has anything that they want to know about me or want to talk about. Send me a message or an email at Neesahraye@gmail.com and I will back to you.

 

Peace and blessings to all,

Aneesah R.

I Love Me More.

Being in love is truly wonderful especially when it’s not to expected. The best feeling in the world is knowing that someone is thinking about you the same time that you are thinking about them. You support each other, you compliment each other and most of all you just make a strong winning team.

But does the love ever stop? The answer to that question is yes. Love can stop. The amount of love that you were receiving at one time it can cease, and you can sit and think of all the excuses you want in the world and thinking honestly that it’s your fault and it doesn’t have to be.

That was something that I had to learn. I had to learn that sometimes things can just change. It can seem like everything can be just absolutely perfect and you wake up the next moment and things have changed dramatically. No more phone calls as much as you used to get. No more kisses, no more visits or sleepovers.

I had to learn how to be alone. That was something that was very hard for me to do an understand at first. But once I really got the hang of it and sat down and really thought about everything and put my entire relationship into perspective.

When I stopped texting my partner, reaching out calling and just fell all the way back he then started to wonder about me. Is she alright? Why isn’t she talking to me? Does she still even love me? Once I got sick that’s when the message clicked in my head that I needed to give myself more time to be alone and to get myself together before trying to fix my relationship.

I don’t blame anyone for anything. My feelings still remain the same even after everything that we’ve been through for the past five years I still love him the same as I did when I first laid eyes on him…………. But

I love me MORE…….

Just A Statement

It’s a lot of things that I rarely come out and speak about. You know when you know you’re trying to get your life back on track and you start doing the right thing and them BOOM!! Negative energy pops up and says.. “Here I am to knock you back on your ass and keep you down.” To be real all I have ever been trying to do out here is survive and provide the best life that I can for my children and myself. From having one and a half dead beat father’s who waited almost 10 years to start coming back into his son’s life to the other one who has to fly 1200 miles to come get his daughter and take her back to Florida,  after a five year failed marriage.

All I can basically do is just continue to hold my head high and walk with a smile on my face hiding my real true emotions from the world. Honestly it is not nobody’s business of what I’m really facing, dealing with or what I am going through in my life because nobody cares but me. There is so much that I haven’t told anyone in my family that I won’t dare even express to the point that it really pisses me off. What I will do is raise my hand and say through all everything that I have been dealing with and have ben through I am still here standing and I am beyond blessed.

My heart is always going to remain the same no matter what and I am not going to let anyone try to tell me anything different.

This is my life and I must live it to the fullest…..

 

A.Raye..

Sorry But Not Sorry

Have you ever been in a relationship and felt so alone even though you so called had someone? It’s a very puzzling question that I ask myself and I should be asking ;myself as to why am I writing about what I’m going through personally and putting it on my blog? The reason why is because I want people to understand and never go through what I’m going through. Maybe I’m just settling, or maybe I just really believe in my mind that I cannot find someone who can love me the same way as I love them. Chances are I’m probably right. A 38 year old Divorcee with two kids who doesn’t want much just love, attention, and respect.

One thing I can say that I do know for sure is consistency is something that cannot be taught that is something that has to be instilled in you. People who really want to be with you they honestly make an effort. They don’t make excuses they always find a way to fit you into their daily lives. It’s not about sending a text every now and then or calling it’s about them showing you that they really want to be there for you. Me I have always had a hard time with men because they took my kindness for weakness. I am a person who does not know how to be mean I am a free spirit with a kind heart and when I’m with a person I love that person with everything that I have inside of me and sometimes I do believe that is one of the reason’s why I constantly get hurt and taken advantage of.

Please don’t get me wrong I do know how to be alone in fact I rather enjoy it. It has gotten to the point that even though I’m in a relationship currently I don’t care. I’m basically just going through the motions. I just go to the gym, spend time with my kids, and keep to myself. A very long time ago I got to the point that once I stopped caring in my mind and in my heart the relationship is actually it is what it is.

I’m not going to be begging no man, absolutely no man to spend time with me, to make time for me, and to be with me. No sir… Not I.

Aneesah

My Thoughts on theWhite Nationalist Rally

Wow…… I’m speechless…. In recent news so far I’ve learned that the POTUS is a Dickhead. This is the man that people voted for to lead our country? Is this the man that people really voted for with his orange old bad skin ass? I’ll wait for a response.  The fact of the matter is all Politicians are no good to be quite honest. And all I can say is that honestly we should start getting prepared for a WW3 with North Korea.

These White Nationalists in Charlottesville, VA this foolishness with these protests just proved how racist these people actually are. One man known as James Alex Fields, killed a woman Heather Heyer by driving his car into a crowd of people. He is a RACIST these people are a pure example that racism still does exist in this country and your POTUS basically just summed it up in all words that he is okay with it. https://static01.nyt.com/video/players/offsite/index.html?videoId=100000005365876“>POTUS Not All were White Supremacists

Come on dude really are you serious? We need a change ASAP.

 

Peace,

Aneesah

Fuck Boys

What is a fuck boy, and what is the definition of one? I always hear this term being used and it took me a while to figure it out but basically the meaning is quite simple.  The word “Fuck Boy” is a man who ain’t shit. It’s a man who comes into your life and disrupts  and causes you unneeded chaos and stress. The bad part of knowing a fuck boy is that they come from all different backgrounds.A Fuckboy is the type of guy who does shit that generally pisses the population of the earth off all the time.

He will also lead girls on just for hookups, says he is really into you but doesn’t want to deal with all the “relationship bullshit” just to fuck you. He thinks about himself and only himself all the time but pretends to be really nice. He also does really fucked up shit and then complains about people who do the same old shit as him. once a fuckboy always a fuckboy, because fuck boys gonna be fuck boys.

Fuck Boy’s don’t always necessarily have to be broke dudes. Yes they’re are some who do have jobs. It’s about their personalities. They meet and find a good woman and gas her head up saying shit like “I’m not like those other dudes you been with. I’m one of a kind.” Yeah right…. That is straight bullshit. And what’s messed up about it is us as women fall or these kind of dudes.

Now I’m not just only saying that men are fucked up because they’re are some fucked up women out here but this post is strictly about men today.Asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for “pics” once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed.

However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for “no reason.” He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and can not withstand the dispossession of one of his baes, because he has more than one that’s for sure.

Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl’s response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is “busy” but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical assholes who can not be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.Know the difference between a man and a fuck boy…..

 

That’s all for today.

Just a Poem

Almost a year ago you walked in to my life

You’ve give me hope and made my world truly bright

You enlighten me, inspire me, and encourage me to be great

I still wonder if how our paths have crossed this had to be fate.

The true definition of love so genuine and so true.

I am in love with you.

Planning our future together and things are more so just right

I can picture that day soon when I will become your wife.

Like a normal couple we have our fights and disagreements,

and yes you get on my nerves but will I ever leave you

no not ever.

You have my heart my soul all of me belongs to you

I have never met a man after being hurt by so many

who would mend me heart and give me plenty of

Affection security and guide me in a positive direction.

God sent you into my life to give it meaning and purpose

You love my kids more than me at first it was hard to believe

But the way that you show your undying love all of this came from

up above.

New Year’s Day

Today starts my adventure into 2015, and one thing that I do know that I’m going to try to do is challenge myself to see exactly how much money I can save until the end of this year. This is the year that I officially start my business and launch my cosmetic line. I have been putting my financial plan together since November of last year. I’m really excited about what this year has in store for me and my family. Last night was one of the absolute best nights of my life and a great ending to 2014.

I have the greatest man in the world who I believed was sent into my life for a reason, what I truly love about this man is that he’s genuine, caring, thoughtful and he loves my children as his own. I love the way he talks about our future for this year and I know it’s going to be a great one!

Let’s Go!!!!

Neesah

NEW YEAR’S EVE

Wow this has been one heck of a year that is finally coming to a close it’s time to set those New Year goals. I do have some terms  that I wish would disappear going in to the New Year and they and they are “On Fleek” what does that mean? Fleek isn’t even a word in the dictionary. I was informed that it means “On point.” why can’t people just say for instance  “Oh hey I like your eyebrows they look really nice or they are really on point.” *shrugs shoulders* any who another term that must be erased from our mental Rolodex going into the new year is “Bye Felecia.” Really “Bye Felicia came from the movie Friday with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker. “Why are you telling people  “Bye Felecia?” that needs to stop. Oh and another famous one. TURN UP. We are going to TURN UP tonight. Turn up what, the television, the radio? This is one term that I wish would just go away. People need to stop turning up This 2014 year has really been a roller coaster ride for me but it’s ending on a high note. I have two beautiful children who are flourishing, a great family, and I’ve finally found love after my heart being broken, so what can I say except for GOD has been truly good to me and mine. I’m not going to sit here and write out New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t have any I just have goals that I want to accomplish. With that being said I would like to wish everyone out there a safe and prosperous New Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!