New Year’s Day

Today starts my adventure into 2015, and one thing that I do know that I’m going to try to do is challenge myself to see exactly how much money I can save until the end of this year. This is the year that I officially start my business and launch my cosmetic line. I have been putting my financial plan together since November of last year. I’m really excited about what this year has in store for me and my family. Last night was one of the absolute best nights of my life and a great ending to 2014.

I have the greatest man in the world who I believed was sent into my life for a reason, what I truly love about this man is that he’s genuine, caring, thoughtful and he loves my children as his own. I love the way he talks about our future for this year and I know it’s going to be a great one!

Let’s Go!!!!

Neesah

Sleepless Nights

I always sit and wonder why for some reason that I can’t seem to stay asleep at night. I guess that I’m in a blissful relationship with the love of my life and every night he’s away from me I can’t sleep, and what’s funny is last night he told me the very same thing that he can’t sleep at night either. I guess you would call that a feeling of content and comfort. Once you find your soul mate these are the things that you go though.

What’s puzzling though is it’s not just the fact that i can’t sleep it’s like I know when he’s sick, when something’s bothering him I basically know everything about him. I just feel so at ease and very calm. I’m truly in love with everything that this man consists of. I have no reason to worry or any doubts in my mind like I did at first. I them all even the little insecurity incidents that I went though with the nonsense about the stalker crazy Ex girlfriend writing shit on my FB page about how she misses my boyfriend she looks like a little girl anyway so that went over my head like a bunch of bullshit.

I’m actually flattered that women think my man is handsome because yes, he is a very attractive man but that’s not what matters to me. I love how he loves my kids as his own that is amazing to me and he knew exactly how to capture my heart. I just wish I could fall asleep with him and wake up in the morning in his arms because when he’s with me at my house it’s a wonderful feeling. My baby who came out of nowhere into my life and is here to stay until the day I die.

What Is Love?

How do you know when you’ve found the one that you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Is it a certain feeling that you get when they come around. Does your heart stop then start again? Or do you just know that you believe in your heart and spirit that you’ve found the person that you truly want to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes I sit and wonder to myself if I will ever have the opportunity to experience what true love and happiness feels like. In my case it seems like the only way I can feel it is through my children and my music. Personally a man’s presence right now I’m kind of skeptical because just like them I can turn my feelings on and off like the snap of my fingers because men like to bullshit and play around with women’s hearts. Just one, just one time I want to have that feeling where I’m loved like to the point where if someone asks me a question about my man my eyes light up and my heart stops and I can express truly how I feel. I want to enjoy being in the company of my man and to one day eventually take that long walk down that road and mean it. To have that true sense of commitment and loyalty. I need a man to be my best friend before becoming my lover and I hav to be able to trust him with everything in me. If there’s no trust involved what’s the use of even trying to create something that’s not there. Me, I’ve found my love in my music now it’s time to find love in a man.

I Still Love You

A song by 702 created by The Neptune’s….. I personally love this song it’s a classic late 90’s early 2000’s banger. If you’re someone who listens to music period it’s a simple song, the lyrics are easy to comprehend.

The Art of Being Used

Sometimes in life you are just going to accept the fact that you are going to get used but it depends on how you handle it. Some times us as women we like a certain and particular kind of guy. You know we have a certain type of guy that we like. For example a tall 6’5 good looking guy with an already established career, a stable home and car. That she will do anything to and everything to go out of her way to buy that man’s affection (trust me I’ve done it) like taking him on luxurious vacations, Gucci, Louie, and other designer clothes, cars and just about anything and realizing that this guy is somewhere else laughing at her telling all of his friends how he got her wrapped around his finger while calling her a dumbass also. Honestly though, those kind of guys get played also  also because the women that they are chasing aren’t giving them the time of day and or if they are those women are robbing them blind while the women  like me (and you other ladies know who you are)  who is trying to get him to be in her life is wondering what she is doing wrong, why he isn’t responding to her texts or calling her back which is nothing except putting all of her time and energy into him when he don’t give two fucks.

When you think about it though they are assholes, sure they got gifts but they are getting used sexually and I know it sounds crazy but it is technically a game and it is what it is. It’s a cold, cold world and you just gotta know how to play the game so you don’t wind up getting played cause we all have been through it.

Until next time,

Peace Love and Blessings 🙂

A Song That I Like

This just happens to be one of my favorite songs by R. Kelly entitled “Elsewhere” and it’s about a relationship that has went bad but he finds out that he really does love the girl who left and he doesn’t try to do whatever he can to get her back she will find love and everything else she needs elsewhere. I kind of apply this to the way that I feel about relationships and my own for that matter, because of the simple fact that I am a musician myself I try to put myself in that persons shoes.

No Limits

How do you know if someone is really interested in you or using you? Sometimes they could be giving you all the right signs that they like and are feeling you, then the next day they can act like they don’t want to be near or around you. See me personally I’m very skeptical about dating because (and I’m not saying that all men are this way) guys don’t make it clear what they want. Okay yes I will confess maybe I need to fall back from trying to find out how you are, what you’re up to and just texting cause I don’t call. I’m not really the type of woman who will chase after a man. If I feel as though it’s not going to go anywhere I will step off. Maybe the reason why I say that is because I’m tired of being let down and getting my heart broken by men. I know that I may never find that perfect man who will complete me and make me happy but I would like to have that partnership, connection, and understanding. I thought that trying to date an older man I would help me out because of their maturity and knowledge but it kind of makes me uneasy because I don’t want to be treated like a child. I’m already in the process of dissolving a brief marriage and I know for sure right now that I do not and am not rushing to get back in to a full blown relationship but I would like a friend. Someone to talk to, who can kind of relate to me and give me the support that I was missing. This has nothing to do with anything sexual I’m not looking for sexual satisfaction, that’s the least of my worries. Every woman including myself dreams and visions that one man that kind of makes our hearts skip a beat. It’s still a lot of good women and men out here who are very deserving of someone very special to be apart of and share their lives with.

Relationships are difficult but if you ever come across that one person who has the same vision that you do and is willing to go to the end with you then you hold on to that person and do whatever you can to make it work especially if they are with you for all the right reasons. A true lover will love you when you have nothing and be with you from start to finish to help you build the empire and foundation together. THAT IS WHAT I WAS MISSING FROM MY RELATIONSHIP AND WHY MY MARRIAGE FAILED! I get tired of talking about the problems so I’m guessing I’m going to let go, live and see what happens.

GOD BLESS 😉

 

Taking Steps In The Right Direction

I’m tired, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not going to try anymore to make a relationship work if I’m the only one who’s giving and putting forth all of the effort. I do know what it takes to be in a relationship and what they entail such as time, attention, communication, intimacy, and a strong connection. Two people have to be willing to give a 100% and go all the until the last mile. My heart is strong because I’ve made it that way I kept getting hurt. Lied to, cheated on, and abused mentally, physically, and emotionally and that is why I probably will never be able to fully trust and give my heart to anyone. Do I want to take a chance and find real love for myself? Sure I do I’d have to be a fool to not want to but what I think is going on is that I am accepting the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life. My marriage fell apart because once you cross me I’m not going back. People can judge me, call me an asshole it doesn’t bother me because I know I’m an asshole and I don’t give a fuck. Everyone always say you won’t ever find a good man until you’ve had a bad man oh that’s bullshit because all men ain’t perfect. Right now I’m focusing on my own happiness and my kids and I will accept and face head on whatever comes my way. I will rise through adversity and conquer. Having grew up in a house with a bunch of men has taught me not to cry over a man but to harden my heart and to learn that a manis going to be a man and you can’t change the way he is especially once he’s stuck in his ways. I get it now. So what I’m saying is that I’m taking what I’ve learned and I’m moving forward.

God Bless!!

I Don’t Give A Fuck

Basically I have come to a point in my life where I just don’t give a fuck.

I don’t give a fuck you can do what you because I’m already doing me.

I don’t give a fuck if you love me or hate me

I don’t give a fuck if you don’t wanna be with me

If you wanna leave then be my guest

Because you ain’t no different from the rest.

You wanna judge and talk your little shit

Just know that I don’t give a fuck and I never did.

Only thing I do give a fuck about in this world are my family and my kids

Everything and everyone else

I don’t give a fuck about and I never will.

I don’t give a fuck if you lie

I don’t give a fuck if you cheat

That is all on you because you are going to do what you wanna do

I guess today I’m just in a I don’t give a fuck mood.

After all of the bullshit and nonsense that I been through

I just came to a point where

I just don’t give a fuck and I’m through

You do you and let me do me

Just know that I don’t give a fuck about you

And I never did.

I don’t know how many fucking times I used the word fuck throughout

this whole fucking poem.

I don’t give a fuck it’s just a thought I had on my mind.

I don’t fucking care about no mother fucking time.

everyone wants to be all fucking philosophical and shit

Talk that shit to someone else but me

I’ll tell you fuck you and I don’t wanna fucking hear it.

Alright that’s enough and now that you ready it I guess you now understand that today personally

I just don’t give a fuck!

The Key to my happiness

I am working diligently to meet my fitness goals and dropping at the most 50lbs. I run 3 to 4 times a week and I’m beginning to eat right and work out on a more regular basis. The reason why is because of me… I care about myself and my body I want to look and feel great about myself. I am disciplining myself to work harder and focus.. The key is in order to be able to love someone else you must love you first…(wink,wink)